


Dark Paradise

by lilolilyrae



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt, Established Relationship, F/F, Hopeful Ending, Pre-Canon, Prompt Fill, The Old Guard Femslash Fortnight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 15:20:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29968353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilolilyrae/pseuds/lilolilyrae
Summary: Andromache remembers Quynh while the other is trapped in the iron maiden.Songfic to Lana del Rey'sDark Paradiserated M for maybe one line bc I'm playing it safe here!
Relationships: Andy | Andromache of Scythia/Quynh | Noriko
Comments: 11
Kudos: 16
Collections: The Old Guard Femslash Fortnight





	Dark Paradise

**Author's Note:**

  * For [moonflowery](https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonflowery/gifts), [thatmartiangirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatmartiangirl/gifts), [Wordywizard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wordywizard/gifts).



> For the Femslash Fortnight Wednesday Prompt: Poems or Songs as inspiration, and for everyone on the discord who chatted with me about this fic idea :D
> 
> Want it noted that the song lyrics are only less than 400 words long, so while I did copy in the entire song, I still wrote over 1k fanfic xD

> _All my friends tell me I should move on…_

Andromache stands in front of the sea, staring at the waves.

Yusuf and Niccolò have left her a few hours ago, after trying in vain to make her understand that it would be the best choice for all of them to stop their search, to at the very least take a break.

‘For _all of us?!_ ,’ Andromache had wanted to scream, though no tone had come from her throat, she hadn’t even turned to look at the men, her eyes fixed on the water just below the horizon.

‘How can it be the best for all of us when it leaves Quỳnh _drowning_? Does she not count as one of us anymore?’

And then it had sunk in that no, to them, Quỳnh was not a part of their group anymore. Not after a century, not when she might already be long dead.  
But Andromache can’t give up on her so easily.

  
After a while, the men left her alone, maybe thinking she needed to be alone right now, maybe just at their wits end.

Andromache kept staring at the ocean, lost in the past, the cruelty of the present and unable to let go of any of it.

> _I'm lying in the ocean, singing your song  
>  Ahh  
> That's how you sang it_
> 
> _Loving you forever can't be wrong  
>  Even though you're not here, won't move on  
> Ahh  
> That's how we played it  
> _

Wading into the waves without shedding her clothes, Andromache lets the feeling of icy-cold water sloshing into her boots and making the fabric of her trousers cling to her skin take her. She might not be able to be with Quỳnh right now, but at the very least she can feel what the other must be feeling right now.

If she is still alive.

She _has_ to be alive.

Maybe she is setting herself up for eternal suffering when she keeps Quỳnh as her one forever and always, but she can’t make herself stop thinking about her.

As the wind blows cold and harsh, and the waves break against her knees, she remembers Quỳnh’s voice, her laughter, her war-cries and her singing at a victorious campfire.

Always so vibrant, so full of life.

Andromache wonders whether she must be screaming now. Would the sound be audible under the surface of the water at all?

> _And there's no remedy for memory, your face is like a melody  
>  It won't leave my head  
> Your soul is haunting me and telling me that everything is fine  
> But I wish I was dead_
> 
> _Every time I close my eyes, it's like a dark paradise  
>  No one compares to you  
> I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side  
> Every time I close my eyes, it's like a dark paradise  
> No one compares to you  
> I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side_

The water is reaching up to her chin now, and Andromache pushes herself away from the ground, letting herself float on her back.

Closing her eyes, she sees Quỳnh’s lips in front of her, her bright eyes- but when she tries to focus on the details, or to get the full picture of her face, everything blurs together, her memory and imagination never as clear as anyone in real life.

If she learned to draw, to paint, would she be able to bring her to paper as she used to look- as she still does look somewhere, far away, now- or would it only frustrate her as much as her memories do now? She has no intentions of finding out.

Water splashes over her as a larger wave moves her body closer back to shore, and with a stroke of her arms, Andromache dives under, further into the sea.

Sometimes, she wishes that she could die herself, but she does not belief in an afterlife, so she would just be losing Quỳnh either way. Also, Quỳnh is probably still alive. Andromache wouldn’t want to go and leave her behind, so she needs to stay and fight. Stay, fight, and _hope_ , even if it is breaking her.

She’s so afraid of one day finding the iron maiden only to pull a skeleton from the metal frame.

> _All my friends ask me why I stay strong  
>  Tell 'em when you find true love, it lives on  
> Ahh  
> That's why I stay here_
> 
> _And there's no remedy for memory, your face is like a melody  
>  It won't leave my head  
> Your soul is haunting me and telling me that everything is fine  
> But I wish I was dead_

The cold of the water is starting to seep into her bones, but Andromache doesn’t fight it, instead moving her head back so water covers her eyes.

She feels alone, so very alone. Has felt it ever since Quỳnh had been taken from her, but the men leaving her earlier, telling her they weren’t going to continue the search, has only made the feeling worse.

And really, what are they to say she should stop, or at least take a break from it herself? As if they would act any differently than her if it had been Yusuf or Niccolò under the ocean.

Half ready to stomp out of the water, find them and scream in their faces that if they think they could walk away from it then, their love isn’t half as real as hers is to Quỳnh, and that if on the other hand they _don’t_ think they could leave the other to drown, they’re acting like real hypocrites now… Andromache instead turns onto her stomach, blindly blinking into the cold water, opening her lips to taste the salt but not ready to actually let herself choke on it.

She has no energy for an argument now, needs all her mental strength focused on Quỳnh.

> _Every time I close my eyes, it's like a dark paradise  
>  No one compares to you  
> I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side  
> Every time I close my eyes, it's like a dark paradise  
> No one compares to you  
> But there's no you, except in my dreams tonight_
> 
> _Oh-oh-oh-oh-hah-hah-hah-hah  
>  I don't want to wake up from this tonight  
> Oh-oh-oh-oh-hah-hah-hah-hah  
> I don't want to wake up from this tonight  
> There's no relief, I see you in my sleep  
> And everybody's rushing me, but I can feel you touching me  
> There's no release, I feel you in my dreams  
> Telling me I'm fine_

She has so many memories of her. Andromache couldn’t let go of Quỳnh even if she wanted to – the memories of Quỳnh are entwined with everything else she has lived through in the past several thousand years. She can’t forget.

Swallowing seawater, then breathing out and letting the bubbles move back up against her face, Andromache remembers the gentle touch of Quỳnh’s lips against her forehead whenever she had come back from death in the midst of a battle- a fleeting touch, both of them ready to turn back to the fight, but a necessary reassurance of both of their survival, nonetheless.

Closing her eyes, Andromache remembers her cheeky grin when she stole a sweet from her share of it, her bright gleeful eyes when she had managed to play a successful prank on her, and her delight when she perfectly hit a target with bow and arrow…

From Quỳnh’s happiness, Andromache drifts to memories of her own pleasure, of how she loved the warmth of Quỳnh’s arms around her waist when they were sharing a horse, Quỳnh’s nose pressing against Andromache’s neck when they slept, her soft skin under her fingertips and her moans when Andromache pleasured her, taking her breath away…

Her breath, which is also running out now. Soon she will have to make a choice- to stay as she is and drown, or to go back to the real world where there is no Quỳnh by her side.

Squeezing her eyes shut, Andromache tries to see Quynh in front of her as she was in life, as she will be again once she finally finds her and this nightmare is over, so vividly that she wants to move in and touch her, welcome her back into her arms.

> _Every time I close my eyes, it's like a dark paradise  
>  No one compares to you  
> I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side  
> Every time I close my eyes, it's like a dark paradise  
> No one compares to you  
> But there's no you, except in my dreams tonight_
> 
> _Oh-oh-oh-oh-hah-hah-hah-hah_  
>  I don't want to wake up from this tonight  
> Oh-oh-oh-oh-hah-hah-hah-hah  
> I don't want to wake up from this tonight

Turning onto her back, Andromache takes a deep breath, cold air rushing into her neglected lungs. Taking a moment, she lets herself feel the burn and all the rest of the pain for another moment before she gets moving, quick strokes bringing her back to shore.

She has a search to return to.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it, let me know by clicking kudos and leaving a comment <3  
> at least kudos would be much appreciated as I wouldn't otherwise know how many ppl are actually reading my things!
> 
> [tumblr](https://tog-femslashfortnight.tumblr.com/post/645317996877905920)


End file.
